Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
