If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize