you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
