woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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