she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize