Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
