my sisters under your porch take her home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
