Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
