do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
