No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
