I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
