my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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