so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
