tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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