Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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