i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
