you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
