Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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