What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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