Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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