i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
