I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
