i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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