**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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