maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
