she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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