# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
