Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
