I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
