If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
