covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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