Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
