What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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