Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
