I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
