I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
