Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
