Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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