awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
