I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
