im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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