I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
two words: eviction party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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