You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
