You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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