we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
