remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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