the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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