Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
