Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
