she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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