Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
