The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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