Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
