guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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