Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
