1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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