Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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