so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
