cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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