chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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