I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
