This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
