I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
