There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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