he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
