these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
