and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize