if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
