maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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